There are many people out in the world I live in who say “ADOPTION IS NOT NATURAL.”
You can imagine what that does to me.
I’ve been sitting on this blog for months… because it’s just not a simple statement.
Clearly my response (or any contradicting response for that matter) is going to open many cans of worms.
But the more I think about it I just don’t think that “not-natural” is the right word combination to describe adoption. I don’t even really understand what that means.
I take it to mean “unnatural” which in most cases means “not real” or “artificial”.
Unnatural is a word used to describe someone’s hair color (possibly mine) —not a child and their family relationship.
The research I’ve done on this topic gives me reason to believe that this group of people thinks that all babies/children should stay and remain with their biological parents—with no exception to the rule—-EVER.
That to me is an unfair generalization—it’s just not that easy—nothing in life is.
Do people describe biological children as “natural”? I’ve never heard it termed that way.
And last time I checked, my children are biological—they just aren’t my biology.
If by “not-natural” this group of people means “not biological” then by all means just say “not biological”…you’ll get no argument from me.
And if by “not-natural” this group of people is referring to adoptions gone bad (because unfortunately these do happen) then by all means please clarify instead of generalizing.
So…….. to those who say that adoption is “not natural” here we go… I respectfully disagree.
In my life (which is what An Infertile Blonde is about) I equate adoption with motherhood….
For me it’s the most natural feeling in the world.
For me loving my children is instinct….it’s inherent.
You may chose to disagree and that’s your choice.
I simply hope that no one ever tells my children to their faces that the way our family was built is “not-natural.”
It’s hard enough for me to hear it and quite frankly……
It is simply unkind.
Go pick on someone your own size….
Love much,
xob
OH… This gets me. When people say things like this it is out of pure ignorance!!!! When my daughter was placed in my arms it was the most natural feeling I ever felt. Is it also un-natural when people go through infertility treatment to get pregnant. Are those children un-natural as well??? UGH!
No, what’s “unnatural” are parents hurting or killing their children because they either don’t know, or don’t want to care for them.
“… my children are biological—they just aren’t my biology. ”
I love this line. I will remember it forever…… If you ever write a book, this could be the title! Thank you for your continuous thoughtful words.
One of my favorite quotes is “A mother’s love is not constrained by bloodlines.” My son did not come out of my body, but that does not make him any less my son or me any less his mother. I love him fiercely, and frankly, probably more than many “biological” mothers love their kids.
Thank you for this. Even in nature adoption happens. Adoption is a very natural thing, it just seems less natural to some humans as there is such a process to go about the entire adoption process. Besides the cost, background checks, home studies, etc. it can be one of the most natural things to do.
Hello. You speak of a “…group of people thinks that all babies/children should stay and remain with their biological parents—with no exception to the rule—-EVER.” This is a fiction. There is not one - even the most ant-adoption website I have researched - which leaves room for “no exceptions”! NONE. This is slanderous propaganda just as pro-lifers and pro-choice antagonists sling at one another. There are those who identify themselves as pro-life who would make an exception to save a mothers life or in the event of incest - or who HAVE made an for themselves or their own daughter. And there are few pro-choice proponents who are really “pro-abortion.”
If we can keep the hyperbole out of this, perhaps we can have a serious discussion.
You are seeing labels of natural and unnatural as good and bad. If it is possible for you to take step back you might recognize that those who say adoption is not natural re not necessarily speaking of one’s ability to love a child but of the institution of adoption; the system of adoption. Some are also viewing it from the perspective of BEING adopted and what may feel very natural. Comfortable and loving to you may not to the child who looks around him and sees no one who looks like him and is ridiculed in school. I urge you to read books and blogs written by adult adoptees. It can be quite enlightening to view if from their perspective and recognize THEY are what it is all about! Adoption is supposed to be THEIR best interest, not to fill anyone’s desire to parent them.
The other view of adoption is the aspect of loss. Taking a child from the mother who gave birth to that child is in and of itself UNNATURAL, whether the child is taken because of abuse or “voluntarily” relinquished. Why else would people say “I could never do that?” “How could anyone give away their own child?” They ask those bewildered questions in disbelief because it is UNNATURAL. Since biblical times, mothers only did such a thing under the most extreme circumstances.
With that in mind, you analogy is perfectly correct.
“Unnatural is a word used to describe someone’s hair color (possibly mine) —not a child and their family relationship.” Hair color can be natural - as in the one we got genetically, or as some may say our “God given” coloring. That which is concocted in a laboratory, paid for as a commodity and applied to your scalp manually often incurring and additional payment for services, is NOT NATURAL.
**Neither your hair color or adoption occurred naturally in nature. That is the definition of natural: occurring naturally in nature.** This definition of natural also applies to most forms of technologically assisted reproduction.
There is in most of us a natural urge to do good, to help when we see someone in danger - especially a helpless child. However, adoption goes beyond just helping. It “takes as if your own.” Caring may be natural; ownership is not natural.
Adoption creates a false birth certificate for the adopted child that begins has life with a fraudulent lie because it states he was born to those who adopted him. This is not only unnatural, it is unusual and potentially harmful and not in the best interest of any human being. It has existed only since the 1940s in this country. Other countries have no concept of our system of permanence in adoption and that is what causes many in third world countries to be duped out of their children – believing they are coming to the U.S. to be educated.
What is natural about a human being denied access to their origins and heritage? Their medical history? These are the kinds of things that people are thinking about when they say adoption is not natural. It is not all about you or any other perspective adopter or adoptive parent. They may have a heart of pure gold but they are not the only ones adoption changes forever. Believing that there are abandoned and orphaned children just waiting for you is believing in the tooth fairly. If that were true there would not be a multi-billion dollar worldwide industry that includes kidnapping and stealing children to meet a demand. May I suggest you read “The Lies We Love” by E.J. Graff and “Who Are the 143 Million Orphans?” by Mirah Riben as well as articles on child trafficking by David Smolin (google them all). There is nothing natural, or glamorous about any of this.
Mirah Riben, author, “The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry”
I blogged this very question: “Is Adoption Natural” back in Oct 09.
At that time I quoted an adoptee who said:
“Apparently, I’m not supposed to call the woman who gave birth to me my natural mother. I’m not supposed to call her that because it implies that adoption is unnatural…..
“You know what is natural? Babies going home and being cared for by the mothers who carried them in their bodies. That is natural. Anything else is just a little sad.
“I’m not saying I hate adoption. I don’t. I’m not saying that adoption isn’t necessary in some cases. It is.
“But there is no way in hell I would ever call it natural.”
Full blog post and heated discussion (85 comments!) that followed, at:
http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/2009/10/is-adoption-natural.html