What Now?

 

For 28 months I fought for The Girl on a daily basis (or so it seemed to me).

 

And now she’s here.

 

I stare at her everyday in disbelief.

 

I am in awe and I am so grateful.

 

Friends and family all say, “now you can relax.”

 

But I can’t.

 

I’m still angry.

 

Something’s gotta give.

 

Why did it take so long?

 

Why is this process so difficult?

 

Why are there so many rules?

 

And at the same time why aren’t there enough rules?

 

Why do adoptive parents have to sign away all their rights for any agency or lawyer to represent them?

 

Why does it seem as if only the adoptive parents are accountable for anything?

 

Why do adoptive parents assume all the financial responsibility and all the risk?

 

And why oh why does it cost so much?

 I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again— I do not expect adoption professionals to work for free but the costs as they stand now are just prohibitive for most.

 

Would anyone like to answer these questions for me?

 

And please don’t say “that’s just the way it is.”

 

That’s just not an acceptable answer.

 

Because here’s the reality: If the cost of adoption continues to skyrocket then fewer American’s will be able to adopt—-and what will that mean for the children who need to be adopted?  

 

It means they won’t be….and then what?

 

Love much,

xob

5 Responses to “What Now?”

  1. Adopted & Adopted says:

    Becky,

    It’s been a little over a year since we adopted D…..and I am still angry at how we were treated…or violated/taking advantage of by agencies involved. All those questions you just wrote about….I am still dealing with…trying to find the answers and there are none. Some will say I’m sure that hey we shouldn’t complain about all the costs, all the hoops and all the waiting to just adopt let alone finalize an adoption…because we have a baby…and that should be enough. But, it’s not just about being enough….it’s about what is RIGHT…..and the enormous fees, rules etc that adoption agencies make adoptive parents agree to…seems sooo WRONG.
    I hate it that I’m still so angry about all these things…..what are my alternatives? Forget about it and not take a stand? That’s just not me….but, I’m at a loss as to what I can do. Maybe I should write those letters I’ve been wanting to do for so long…maybe that will relieve some tension……

  2. Libby says:

    I feel you. Right now we are waiting for finalization on our daughter’s adoption. After all of the indignities we have suffered, and all the money we have paid, our lawyers acts as if we are lucky if we get him on the phone. And ours is one of the better experiences I have heard of.

    I always say that if I were to change careers I would start an adoption agency that actually followed through on promises. You know, helped before and AFTER the money is handed over.

  3. Libby says:

    Sorry, don’t mean to rant, but also my husband and I probably won;t be able adopt again because we had t beg borrow and steal for this one. It would either be adopt another child — or send this one to college.

  4. Rhonda says:

    We are just entering our “waiting pool” and I have yet to feel the negativity from the adoption professionals we are working with. Yes it’s expensive and no we can’t expect people to do this for free. However, I take comfort knowing our agency helps so many in the community. Lifetime counseling, outreach programs and education for other professionals. I have encountered only honesty and child centered individuals with our agency. We interviewed several before we put our trust (and checks) into this one.
    Open Adoption and Family Services, if anyone is interested.

  5. DMP says:

    We were very lucky to have dealt with wonderful attorney’s with reasonable fees. The people at our Agency were very nice to work with too. Our only complaint is about the Agency fees – for our second adoption.

    We are extremely blessed to have been able to adopt a second baby that is the sibling to our first. The Agency called us out of the blue one day and asked if we wanted to adopt a second baby, our birthmother was pregnant again, etc etc. So we are still scratching our heads as to why they still insisted it was fully within their rights to charge us their full Match fee when they were never searching for a baby for us. Our bm called them and asked for us. But we still paid the full Match fee regardless. They pointed to contracts and other fine print that gave them the right to do so. In the end we gave up arguing with them b/c we didn’t want to rock the boat too much while they held our baby’s future in their hands. When they asked us for even MORE money after placement – we said “NO WAY”. In the end – the cost of our second adoption was $10,000 higher then our first!!! And $7,000 of that was in the unexplained Agency fees.

    There definitely needs to be Domestic Adoption Reform in the US. When we started the process in 2005 domestic adoption costs at our Agency avg between $25,000 – $35,000. Now the norm among our friends is closer to $40,000 and sadly we know people now paying even more! It blows my mind, but at the same time we are so grateful to have had reasonable costs for our first child, otherwise we would have not been able to ever adopt his beautiful baby sister. It did cause us some unexpected financial setbacks – but we still have a roof over our heads and food on our table; so we count our blessings everyday.

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