Before I had children I just didn’t get it.

I knew I would always want to be a parent but I had no idea exactly what that meant.

And then I found out I was infertile and my world changed.

I became a woman that I didn’t ever think I would be.

I was sad.

I was empty.

I was childless.

Thankfully I was married to a great man…..

But there were some dark days on our journey to parenthood.

And then there was Jake.

And now there is Brooke.

Eight years it took for us to get here.

I can hardly believe it’s true.

There were days where despite all my efforts I had doubts this process would ever end.

But now it has……

As we celebrate this Thanksgiving— our little family has so much to be thankful for.

We are finally all together.

I can barely say the words “Happy Thanksgiving” without tearing up.

And I know tomorrow when we say Thanksgiving Grace that I will cry quietly in my seat.

I just won’t be able to help it.

I am so grateful for these two children.

And now, I understand completely what parenthood is all about.

They are my world.

To my readers who are still struggling to build their families—I am still here with you. 

I will never leave.

I will never forget the road I have traveled—you can be sure of that—and I intend to do everything within my power to make this road better for the people behind me.

That’s a promise.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love much,

xob

I have been composing this blog entry in my head for weeks now and I am afraid that my words won’t be able to convey what is happening in my heart.

My daughter was placed in my arms this morning.

I am overwhelmed.

I am overwhelmed with love…

Both for her and her birth parents.

It has taken me 8 years to have my two children and I must say that I am utterly exhausted.

Extremely happy and grateful but exhausted.

As I held my daughter  in my arms this afternoon and watched The Boy play by my side I just had to ask myself…..

Is it real?

Is this journey finally over?

I can hardly believe it…but I know it’s true.

The Fawcett’s are finally a family of four.

It is over and it is real.

My prayers have finally been answered and she’s here.

And the sleepless nights????

Bring ‘em on…..her cry is music to my ears.

Love much,

An incredibly grateful Infertile Blonde

xo B

I just spent the last two hours cleaning my office.

I have a really bad habit of thinking I need to keep every single sheet of paper I ever come across.

So today I had to go through the piles…..

And (gasp) throw away what I clearly don’t need.

One of the things I came across was an advertisement that I had torn from a recent magazine.

This is the headline:

“Ask Sherwin-Williams Where Babies Come From.”

And this is the sub-text:

“When two people love each other very, very much, they often decide to paint a room together.  And when these two people get the right tools, the best materials and plenty of advice from Sherwin-Williams, painting together can feel pretty darn good.  And occasionally lead to another room that needs painting.  Got a question? There’s nothing you can’t ask Sherwin Williams.”

The visual for this advertisement is a  hot pink wall and a white crib.

Okay.

Deep breath.

K would tell me to let it go.

But you all know I can’t….

I am needing to  have coffee with the person from the advertising agency that created this as well as the person at Sherwin Williams who approved this creative.

They said I could ask them anything….

So let me ask you Sherwin Williams…..

Are you kidding??????

Did you even read your own copy????

And I am sorry to ask the obvious question…..but I have to.

What on earth are you talking about? And what does this have to do with selling paint?

Love much,

xob

The 17th of the month marks the the day that we started this second adoption so many months ago….

28, 29,30 months ago?

I’ve lost track.

And quite frankly I’m not going to back it up and count.

What’s the point.

Instead of asking myself how many months it has been….

I’ve started to ask myself—Just How Strong Are YOU?

And the answer?

Stronger than I ever thought possible.

Love much,

xob

Hands down…..this is it:

“If someone can’t afford to adopt how can they afford to have a child? And why would Helpusadopt.org give a grant to these people?”

I know on the surface this might seem like a logical question to ask…..

But if more people knew that an average adoption costs $30,000+ then this question would answer itself because……

Do you have $30,000 lying around “just in case” you chose to adopt a child?????

Think about it. 

In order to have $30,000 in savings you most likely had to earn $50,000.

The median Household Income in our country is $54,000—that’s household not individual.

You do the math.

Who has this kind of “extra” money (if you will) lying around?????

You must also keep in mind that an adoption must be paid in full before any adoption professional will complete the work.

It’s hard to believe but it’s true.

No money….no child.

It’s that simple.

And what does that mean for the millions of children in our world who need homes?????

It’s a problem.

Furthermore, 80% of the people seeking adoption each year are INFERTILE, like yours truly, and many of them have pursued costly, non-insurance covered infertility treatments before they arrived at the conclusion that adoption was how they would build their family. 

So the answer to this question is this:   Many people (ok thousands of people) do not have the lump sum ($30,000+) that it takes to complete an adoption.

They earn enough money to live a good day-to-day life and have the resources and ability to provide a safe and loving home for a child—but they do not have an overflowing savings account—and quite frankly these days who does?

Should they really be penalized for this matter of fact reality?

We don’t think so.

So how does anyone truly know that a prospective adoptive family can provide a safe and loving home for a child?????

This is what a “Home Study” confirms.  A “Home Study” is the process in which a state licensed social worker comes into the prospective adoptive parent(s) home and reviews all their finances, their health, clears them of any criminal records, runs their fingerprints through the FBI system, etc.

Once you come through in a positive light…. you receive an official and valid “Home Study”.

You cannot proceed with an adoption without one of these and you cannot apply for a grant from Helpusadopt.org without one either.

That my friends is the short answer to the question. 

I for one am very thankful for my life and our ability to have been able to pursue our adoptions on our terms….

And it is Kipp’s and my humble pleasure to have created Helpusadopt.org so that we can, thanks to our hundreds of generous donors, help others do the same.

From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.

Love much,

xob

Today is my husband’s birthday.

Today also marks the day that our adoption failed last year.

Last year on this day I received a phone call from our social worker who regretfully had to tell me that the birth father had changed his mind about placing the baby for adoption.

We were two weeks from becoming parents again…..

Or so I thought.

I hadn’t prepared myself for anything like this…..

How do you prepare yourself for anything like this?

I didn’t see it coming.

And after I hung up with the social worker…..

I had to call K and deliver the news.

And then I rushed home to hug my son…..

Happy Birthday Honey……

Love much,

xob

Five years ago (give or take) we sat in our lawyer’s office going over the timeline and process of our adoption.

When we got to the financial sheet that outlined the basic costs I asked the question “What would we do if we didn’t have this money?”

I assured our lawyer that we did have it, but I was curious what our options would be if we didn’t.

And you know what?????

He answered me truthfully.

He went on to tell us the myriad of things he’d heard that people (not his clients) had done to complete their adoptions.  

And then he told us that unfortunately many went on to live childless lives—not by choice.

I think his reply took courage.

I think he is brave.

And I am very grateful that he took the time to answer me with genuine honesty.

Because if he had brushed my question under the rug and not been so forthcoming with his reply….

Then Helpusadopt.org would not exist.

So I thank you.

Love much,

xob

We’ve all got a list, don’t we?

“I’m infertile” used to be at the top of mine.

Now it’s been replaced with this: “Helpusadopt.org does not have enough money to award grants to every deserving applicant.”

It kills me to say that out loud.

But it’s the truth.

It is my dream that someday I can say it isn’t so.

But for now it is.

And why does Helpusadopt.org have so many applicants?????

Because the average cost of an adoption is $30,000+ and the median household income in our country is $52,000…

You do the math.

It doesn’t jive.

The cost of adoption is standing in the way of many people becoming parents and worse yet—it is standing in the way of many children finding the homes they so deserve.

And that my friends is something that many just don’t want to say out loud.

Love much,

xob