I’ve been after him for some time to do this….
And finally he agreed!
So here he is, my better half, and the guest blogger for today–my husband K
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY
“I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this” Words which are etched in my memory. Not because of the words, but rather because I heard them when walking into our bedroom and seeing my wife crying, lying on the bathroom floor, sobbing these words over and over and over again. She, now we, were facing one of the many obstacles put in front of us on our journey to parenthood.
My wife was attempting to give herself a shot, but could not bring herself to stick the needle into her thigh. I did the only thing that any reasonable want to be father would do, calmed my wife down, told her we would get through this, took the needle out of her hand and administered the shot. I would end up giving my wife probably a couple of hundred shots of various drugs/medications over the next two years. It was the most important role I would play during this process; being there for my wife.
I tell this story not because I was the “hero” for those five minutes, but rather because that was one of the only, if not only occasion, during our years of IVF treatments that I could honestly say I was able to take control and manage some small portion of this emotionally charged and often all-consuming process. It was also the only way I could help her. I felt powerless in all of this.
During the IVF process my role, and I believe most want to be fathers role, is relegated to being supportive and helping my wife in any way I could. I am downplaying the importance of this role, but I was not the one going to the doctor every other day to give blood, I was not the one with large amount of hormones and drugs running through my body, I was not the one having eggs removed and implanted back in me, I was not the one who had a baby growing in me only to find out a few weeks or months later that the pregnancy had failed.
I witnessed, but could not begin to understand, the emotional roller coaster my wife was enduring, I was of course on the same roller coaster, but it seemed at times I was a bystander watching instead of being on the ride. It was extremely difficult at times for me, at times I did not know what to say to comfort my wife, although I always tried, and sometimes struggled. Every time attempting to find ways to get us through that day and onto the next.
As I look back on those years, just being there for her was enough and in a strange way, the whole process brought us even closer together and made me, and I believe us appreciate each other in ways we did not before.
Even though our years of IVF treatments did not provide the end result we were hoping and planning for, it did provide us with a stronger relationship from which we could continue forward on our journey to parenthood, for that, I am forever grateful.
Love much,
xob
