It’s around the corner.

It’s a day I used to dread….literally dread.

Trust me, before The Boy arrived,  father’s day wasn’t much better for Kipp.

Back in the “dark days” all I wanted to do was become a mother…..

And I kept failing.

And Mother’s Day was just one more (BIG) reminder of what I didn’t have.

So as you can imagine celebrating on a day like this seemed like pouring salt in an open wound—and that doesn’t even begin to describe the pain.

Friends would get together for brunch with their kids and I wouldn’t be included.

It was a club I so desperately wanted to be a part of—but couldn’t seem to get into.

Now that I am a mother I see Mother’s Day from a different perspective.

I see it for all the women who are struggling with infertility and adoption issues….

And I remember.

I see it for birthmother’s everywhere….

One in particular.

All I can say, as the tears well up in my eyes, is thank you.

Love much,

Xob

This past weekend in the “country” couldn’t have been better.  Not only did The Boy have the best time with his friends, I got to indulge some of my suburban guilty pleasures…….namely a trip to Target first thing Saturday morning.

 First and foremost The Boy needed a big boy bike and we found the most perfect one but it required assembly. 

“5 easy steps, that’s it” said the sales woman.

L started laughing from the sidelines.

As I wrestled with the larger than life box for the tiny tot bike I knew that this was not going to end well.

K had specifically said  “Don’t buy anything that requires assembly.”

Once the box was wedged in the cart, I started to head towards the clothing section, but The Boy had other plans……

“Roller Skates!” He shouted with such enthusiasm as he saw the display….”please mommy.  I need roller skates.”

OK. What kid doesn’t need roller skates?

 Oh and throw in the knee and elbow pads……

Our cart was quickly filling up.

“THOMAS…..!!!!!! I just need one thing…just one thing” ….hmmmmm I wonder where he picked that up.

So one “Talking” Knapford Station later my overloaded cart was headed over to clothing.

On the way we passed what I think might very well be the largest baby section I have ever seen……

L just kept on going and didn’t say a thing….that’s why I love L. 

But it was like watching an oncoming train…..

I just couldn’t take my eyes away from all the happy couples picking out their baby things……I felt a little green with envy.

Thank god green is the new black this season.

I finally did make it to the clothing section and was excited to find a v. cute black ruffle dress and fabulous Erickson Beamon necklace…..totally made my day.

And almost made me forget about the baby section….

Love much,

xob

Lately it seems as if most of the books The Boy picks out to read are about babies, have babies in them, or  are about big brothers and sisters.

I am sure this is not the case but that’s what it feels like to me.

Last night we sat down to read his new library books and he handed me one that was obviously intended for a much younger child.

I asked him why he picked this one out and he said “Because I liked it.”

Fair answer.

So we read. 

It was a picture book so I just made up a story as we went along until we got to the last page……

And there was the picture of this baby.

And The Boy said “That is the baby I am going to adopt mom.”

So now I know why he brought this book home.

And apparently I am not the only one to have babies on the brain.

Love much,

xob

Spring break as you can see from the photo was a hit.

And I lost the battle with the cupcakes…..

Today was a new day……

I’m back.

And I am focused.

A little mushy in the middle…..

But focused.

Am done listening to those who say it can’t be done….

Watch out world…..

Here comes The Infertile Blonde.

Love much,

xob

Passive: lacking in energy or will.

I am in no way shape or form passive.

Some don’t see this as a positive. 

Quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Love much,

xob

Today is take your child to work day.

For me and Jake…..everyday is take your child to work day.  One of the benefits (or not) of a home office.

And he always wants to “help”.

I’m no fool……

I have assigned him the title of “office shredder.”

Which he loves.

And I keep a box of what can go and he comes in and does his thing when he feels like it.

He loves emptying the “shredder bin” when it’s full……I do not.

It’s a complete mess.

For my readers who are struggling to become parents (one way or another) I know that this is not a fun day.

It’s just one more reminder of what you don’t have.

And there’s nothing I can say to make it better.

But hang in there.

It will be your time soon……

I just know it……

Love much,

xob

So despite plans made far in advance, my earlier visit with L this year did not in fact take place. But we were able to find time in our busy schedules for this weekend.

As I start to get organized for my “vacation” (I think this is my spring break this year), I realize that the funny thing is this exact week in April last year we were all in Florida together…..oh what a difference a year makes….

There’s no point in feeling sorry for myself…..there will be more trips to Florida….but in the mean time I am making my list of what I need to pack for L’s…..

1. My Target List (really the whole reason for the trip)
2. Cupcakes from CRUMBS (because we know I won’t be let in without them)
3. A stash of healthy snacks for me (hope my willpower can overcome the evil forces of the L’s snack closet)
4. Two pairs of SPANX (just in case willpower loses out)
5. Sunscreen (maybe I can convince myself with the smell that I really am on vacation)
6. Google Roy Orbison before I go (L says that in her new glasses she looks like him)
7. An additional pair of SPANX (no explanation needed)
8. Beach chair and trashy novel for L’s driveway (it is going to be 80 degrees on Saturday afterall)
9. Kipps clubs (he usually golfs on vacation….maybe he won’t realize either)
10. Jake’s bike and helmet (he doesn’t care where he is as long as he can ride his bike—this is much better than IN our apartment.)

Spring Break 09 is shaping up to be quite the trip….yes?  Funny thing is? I think it’s going to be a weekend to remember.

Love much,

xob

So do you like? My friend Christina Sawicky graphic designer to the stars (ok so not really to the stars BUT she should be) designed my new logo.  She is also responsible for the Helpusaodpt.org logo—-a big thank you to Christina!!!!

Here we are at the new home for AN INFERTILE BLONDE! This is it! A much more user friendly blog—-you can sign up with ANY email address and you will get an email every time I post! 

ALSO—It will be much easier to post comments! And you know how I love it when you do—so please don’t be shy! 

I am sure this blog has many more features but as you know I am a bit technologically impaired so it is going to take me some time to figure it out.  

Hope to hear from you soon…..

Love much,

xob

Many often comment about how open I am about my struggle with infertility, my three miscarriages, and adoption.

Some embrace it.

Some don’t.

Some wonder why I am like this—”what’s the point” they ask.

Some roll their eyes when I say I am “An Infertile Blonde”—but I am one.

Well, the point is that 7.3 million people a year struggle with infertility…..as for miscarriages and adoption, I believe it is all under the same umbrella—and I think as a society we need to talk about it.

I am not a girl who believes that if you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist. That’s not how I work.

These unpleasant journeys in our lives are real and they are painful. I speak from experience.

But they can also be life changing in ways you never thought possible.

I believe that you should talk openly about these things because you just never know who you might meet. You never know who’s been through the same thing or someone who can offer you a piece of valued advice.

But I remember feeling as if I “shouldn’t” talk about it.

I remember feeling embarrassed and almost ashamed that my body wasn’t cooperating the way it was supposed to.

Now I look back and think really? How did I let myself feel that way? Shame on me.

I probably could have really used some open and honest conversation about what was going on in my life.

What wasn’t helpful was feeling like I was living a scene from St. Elmo’s Fire…..remember the mother who whispered certain words she didn’t want to say out loud? “Cancer” “Drugs” “Prison”?—-I am sure “infertility” “miscarriage” and “adoption” would have been on her list too.

Yes, now I can laugh about it. But trust me my friends, this is no laughing matter.

So I decided that I was going to talk about this stuff. I was going to be brave and bring it out into the open. Because of the number of people that infertility affects, we should be talking about this stuff openly and honestly.

Every day I hope that one way or another— I do my part to make someone’s journey through infertility, miscarriage or adoption just a little easier.

After all, doesn’t everyone need a shoulder to lean on now and again?

Love much,
xob