Wow……who knew?

Who knew that building your family through adoption could cause such a stir????

I mean I for one have always loved “The Material Girl” for her ability to cause a commotion…..and let’s face it I’ve loved her since Like a Virgin hit the shelves in 8th grade.

I stood up for her when she adopted the first time.

And I will continue to do it every time she does.

Big question to the rest of the world: Why do you care so much? Why are you judging with such animosity??????

And if she were pregnant would everyone care so much???

Adoptive parents on a whole are subjected to such scrutiny……why is that?

As an adoptive mother, some of the headlines in NYC today truly sadden me……not only for Madonna and her family but for all adopted children who live in our country.

One writer here in the Big Apple judged Madonna for taking her children out of school to accompany her on her trip to Africa.

Just for the record if our family ever has the opportunity to go to Africa —I will be ripping Jake out of school for the trip if necessary—so get ready to judge! I mean honestly hmmmmm a week of world travel over a week of school?????

Why don’t some people want Madonna to build her family through adoption? And why are others telling her “how” she should build her family? Since when did having children become anyone elses business?

Food for thought: Don’t judge someone until you have walked in their shoes.

Madonna, I’m ready for coffee whenever you are.

Love much,
xob

Jake brought home a slip of paper with reminders on it from school today.

“Don’t forget Mom…..We’re having a party for Mother’s day at school.” He said.

My heart just skipped a beat…..

How could I ever forget? Does this kid have any idea what he means to me?

Love much,
xob

When I was growing up we had “the bad word list” in our house.

Every time someone said “a bad word” you had to put 25 cents in the jar.

Quickly I learned that 25 cents was no big deal—and so did my parents—so the fine was increased to $1.

That quickly became a big deal.

My siblings (all younger) were not pleased with me, but since I seemed to be the only one to get caught they lost interest.

My brothers spent their days creating “code words” to use instead of curse words—no one seemed to catch on to that–I still got caught and blamed for leading a bad example.

I think I single handedly paid for my parent’s European vacation.

When they realized that the “fines” were not doing the trick the jar disappeared.

I am sure there were more significant punishments at that point but I have blocked them from my memory.

Fast forward to my adult life……

If I had put a dollar in a jar for every swear word I’ve ever used in the last 20 years I would be a RICH woman in this recession!

I’ve never been able to break this bad habit—-although (let’s face it)I haven’t really ever tried that hard–ok at all.

And it really is an unattractive habit.

But now…….

Now I have a little boy.

And that little boy tells me “stupid isn’t nice.”

And he’s right.

And that little boy tells me not to say “S***” and he’s absolutely right.

And now we have the “bad word list” in my house again.

And we have the jar……funny thing is…..I’m the only one putting money in it again.

Some things never change….but this time they have to.

Love much,
xob

I have racked my brain for months.

And I can’t come up with anything comparable.

NOTHING compares to the financial risk adoptive parents assume when they build their families.

While statistics say that an average adoption costs $25,000 —most (domestic & international) run in the $30,000 - $50,000 range —please keep in mind this includes everything —even travel.

And there’s no guarantee……we all sign paperwork releasing anyone and everyone of any financial responsibility if the adoption does not finalize.

No one wants to take on this assumed financial risk. Who would?

But adoptive parents have to take it on—otherwise we can’t build our families.

I do not object to the cost of adoption as I understand that many different service providers are needed to make adoptions happen.

I am in awe of and grateful to the group of honest and hardworking service providers who work tirelessly day in and out to help adoptive parents build their families.

But I have to question the safety net?

Why isn’t there one?

Love much,
xob

Waiting.

Love much,
xob

I think logically.

Most of the time it’s very cut and dry with me.

So it is understandable why I have trouble understanding why this second adoption is taking so long.

What is it 21 months?

I don’t even want to say the words out loud.

I understand “logically” the time it takes for paperwork to be completed.

I understand “logically” the time it takes for legal proceedings—-but I’m not even there yet.

I’ve just been waiting…..

……and waiting……

to be matched.

Almost two years and nothing to show for it.

Twice as long as Jake’s adoption.

So you can understand why this is beginning to bother me….and yes I am being polite….because quite frankly there’s not much I can do about it.

And if I was pursuing an international adoption it would be taking even longer……I recently met a couple who has been waiting three years!

WHAT?????

I would really like someone to explain to me what this wait is all about.

I need a logical explanation.

Help me understand.

And please don’t tell me it’s just not my turn yet…..my child is out there…..this will all become clear once I hold my baby…….because that is what I have been telling myself for months!

And everyday, although I try not to think about it—–I am waiting for the phone to ring……

And yes I do find it ironic that on a daily basis I am working to help others become parents through adoption, yet I can’t seem to help myself.

Love much,
xob

Last December we changed health insurance carriers and visited our new pediatrician.

As Jake played with the toys in the waiting room, I tackled the new patient forms—-including a three page family medical history.

Once we were in the exam room our new doctor came in and we started going over all the forms.

It wasn’t until we were discussing page 2 of the family history that I realized none of what I answered pertained to Jake.

When I realized what I’d done I burst out laughing—–I think our new Doctor thought I had lost my mind.

“Nothing on that form pertains to Jake.” I told her

She looked confused.

“I totally forgot. Jake’s adopted.”

But the thing is that these sort of things never cross my mind unless they are pointed out by others.

Jake is my son and I am his mom.

And we are a family.

End of discussion.

Love much,
xob

Lucky for me I have two!

NYC where I currently live…..

And the Main Line Philadelphia suburbs where I not only grew up but lived for 36 years.

It’s actually sort of wierd……

I know I don’t “technically” live in Philly (some really like to point that out) but I since I am here so often for both work and pleasure I do still feel (and always will) that it is still my home.

When I am here for extended periods of time (like this week) I do remember the little things that I took for granted when I lived in the Suburbs and now miss terribly since I live in the City.

1. A fenced in backyard. It is soooooooo nice to open the back door and let my dogs out. You have NO idea……

2. A washer and dryer in the house…..Again, in NYC this is quite the luxury and oh what Iwouldn’t give to have one!

3. Target…….nothing else needs to be said.

And on the other hand, there is one BIG thing that I miss terribly about NYC that I realize I might never be able to live without and that is all the food delivery.

I’m addicted.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many bowls of cereal I’ve eaten this week and it’s not even Friday.

Love much,
xob

It’s Jake’s spring break so we are spending the week at my parent’s house outside Philadelphia.

It’s a mix of business and pleasure for me.

And believe it or not, eventhough I lived here for 36 years it’s an adjustment to come back to suburban living.

1. I have become very used to living in a four room apartment on one floor. Just getting my suitcase upstairs to my room nearly killed me. Never mind the fact that Iam constantly leaving my cell phone somwhere in the house and have to call it and go searching.

2. Grocery shopping in the suburbs is a dream! The stores are gigantic as compared to NYC and the selection is just amazing. Not to mention that the kids carts are like amusement park rides. Jake loves it. Not only does he have a steering wheel but there’s a tv with cartoons for him to watch too. And the nice thing is that my old phone number still works as my “frequent shopper” number. The receipt prints out for Becky Fawcett and I saved $17.65 the other day—very exciting. That just doens’t happen in NYC. EVER.

3. Suburban Driving. This might be the hardest adjustment. Yesterday I was out of the house from 10am - 6pm and only had three meetings and I was late every step of the way. I forgot how long it takes to get everywhere when you are driving. And the traffic—-on my way to my first meeting I was stuck behind someone who apparently thought it was a good idea to drive 15 mph in a 35 mph zone. I could have walked there faster.

4. The sleeping issue is a problem. IT’S TOO QUIET!!!!!! All I hear as I try to fall asleep each night is Miss Bitz snoring. I need to get a noise machine. Do they make one with traffic and sirens?????

But all in all I am happy to be home for the week. This area outside of Philadelphia is beautiful and it is so nice to see my family and all my friends because I miss them. I may not tell them often enough but I do.

Love much,
xob