I didn’t post anything for Father’s Day yesterday.

Not on Facebook, not on Twitter and not on An Infertile Blonde.

I was a silent observer….

And it wasn’t because I didn’t have anything to say.

I had been thinking about my post for weeks….

And last week, with every passing day, I knew that it just wasn’t going to happen.

Yesterday I wished my dad and K Happy Father’s Day off line and in person….

But I really had a lump in my throat the rest of the day…..

Because while K happily celebrated his 8^th Father’s Day yesterday,

I remember a time when he did not.

A day when logging on to Facebook would have sent him in a downward spiral of sadness and helplessness…..

A day where we would together avoid everything.

And I remember those around me forgetting that the men’s emotions are often pushed aside during the struggle to build a family.

So to all the men who are trying to become fathers with your spouses, partners or going it alone…..you are in my heart and on my mind.

In the last few days, I also observed The Boy fully grasp what Father’s Day was all about…

And while my heart swelled with love for him and K….

My heart broke for all of the older children around the globe who need adoptive homes and parents

For them there was no celebration yesterday.

No one to make a card for.

No one for those children to share a meal with.

And the cruel reality is that they most likely realized it.

Love much,

Xob

www.helpusadopt.org

The word of the day is……

Lasternight.

According to The Girl this is the adjective used to describe anything that happened in the past.

Have a great weekend.

Happy Mother’s Day to those who are celebrating, those who are not, those who wish they were…….

And of course I wish only the happiest of Mother’s Days to V & K…..

You are forever in my heart.

Love much,

xob

www.helpusadopt.org

Mother’s Day is around the corner……

And The Boy has it all planned out….and The Girl agrees.

I’ve been told my day will include a trip to Dylan’s Candy Bar and a walk on the High Line (two of my favorite NYC spots).

He told me that I can pick out whatever I want at Dylan’s and don’t worry “Dad will pay for it.”

I can’t wait for Sunday and it’s supposed to be warm and sunny in NYC which makes for a perfect day.

But for those of you who are struggling to become a mother…..

Sunday will be anything but perfect.

I know that.

I have been thinking of those who are struggling all week…..

And I know how many of you there are….

The numbers are too great.

As I told someone just last night, I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better but I don’t.

I can only tell you that I am with you. I am thinking of you always. And I will always listen.

You inspire me to keep fighting the  fight.

You inspire me to push harder, to raise more money for Helpusadopt.org and to keep building awareness about the high cost of adoption and the difficult process.

And someday…..

Hopefully soon….

I will be wishing you Happy Mother’s Day too.

Love much,

xob

www.helpusadopt.org

I am constantly amazed at the group of wonderful people that I have met in the past 8 years because of my adoption journey.

My friend Nando is one of those people.

He read about Helpusadopt.org in People Magazine, friended us on Face Book and the rest is history.

I think you’ll enojoy his perspective……

The 3 Things I learned from Being Adopted

By Nando Rodriguez Blogger + Social Media Recruiter

To Love Unconditionally

“Discovering you’re adopted will always be a shocker—like looking in the mirror after a bad haircut, running out of vodka during a holiday party or loosing your keys during a 75% sale at Macy’s –and nothing can take that away, but when you surround your child with love and an environment where they’re allowed to flourish, well, it softens the blow, at least it did for me. I don’t remember my parents sitting me down and telling me I was adopted.  I can’t say it was on a Friday at 4pm, per se, I just knew I was “adopted”, and it wasn’t a big deal. They never allowed it to be an issue. And because of that, I learned that you can love someone without limits no matter the race, the size, the color, the sex, the keratin hair treatments they get, it’s all love. And it’s best when you love freely and don’t expect anything in return. When my father passed away two years ago, as I read the eulogy at his funeral, I understood the greatness he and my mother possessed, because they adopted at a time when adoption wasn’t cool.  They did it because they had so much love to give and needed another person to give it to: me.

Everyone’s Story is of Value

I now realize that everyone has a story, and it’s valuable, from the homeless people on the street to the Wall Street hustler earning his check on the trading floor, we all have a story. And in life, they’re all of equal value. Being adopted, I learned to respect everyone I came in contact with.  Now that doesn’t mean I have to like them, but I respect everybody’s history. I had my own inner monsters I had to attack, overcoming the word “adoption” or “blood related” or “real mom vs. adopted mom”.  These small battles took me years to overcome, but I did it.  And because I don’t know someone’s struggles or what price they paid for their current sanity, I put a high price on their story, and I’m always in listening-mode.

I Was Created For Greatness

As I got older, my ego knocked, and my narcissism answered. That’s when I needed to get answers: the whos, the whys and everything in between. I wanted to know where I came from, and my parents, never standing in my way, encouraged me to learn about my beginnings.  But in the end, it didn’t matter because I realized that I was created for greatness, and my true path began. Instead of spending time looking for answers of who I was, I began to focus on who I wanted to become. That search took me from Texas to Iowa to New York. When I was younger, I felt incomplete, like a piece of my history was missing—but all that’s so cliché.  I did know where I came from.  I came from love—and from love comes greatness.  Life just works that way.”

To learn more aboout my friend Nando, visit www.nandoism.com or on Twitter follow @nandoism.

Love much,

xob

www.helpusadopt.org

As Mother’s Day approaches you know I can think of nothing else.

Last night at dinner The Boy told me all about his big plans for Mother’s Day this year….

And don’t think for a minute I don’t realize how lucky I am to celebrate.

But with each Mother’s Day comes a bit of sadness for me because of those who aren’t celebrating.

I am pretty sure it will never go away…..

And to be honest, I want to remember where I came from.

I want to be here for those who are struggling….

Because someday (hopefully) they won’t be…..

They’ll be celebrating too.

Here’s a look back at my 2010 Mother’s Day Post

http://www.aninfertileblonde.com/?p=500

I can’t believe how much he’s grown….

Love much,

xob

www.helpusadopt.org

Before I jump into my opinion on the topic of Adoption Fundraising you need to know one thing.

I am not against it……

But I don’t see it as a viable solution to affording adoption and I get physically upset when others get excited about sharing these “great ideas” with those who are struggling to afford adoption….

It’s as though they found the secret miracle everyone is looking for…..

But in my opinion,  they’ve found nothing.

I understand and know first hand what adoptive parents have to do to afford adoption…..

I’ve done it twice.

And as founder, and executive director of Helpusadopt.org (www.helpusadopt.org) a national 501c3 financial grant program for adoption, I read over 800 applications a year from people across our country who are in need of financial help to complete their adoption.

They all have full time jobs.

In some cases more than one.

And they are doing everything possible to come up with the funds necessary to complete the process.

They are frustrated.

And they are worried.

And they are wondering, in some cases, what the miracle will be that gets them to the finish line.

In many cases they have tried these fundraising avenues full of hope, and when they are met with another failure (because their high expectations for success are left unmet)….they they are faced with the harsh reality that affording adoption is easier said than done.

They don’t want someone to tell them to “sell pizza slices at the park”.

They don’t want someone to tell them to “ask your neighbors if you can clean their house or garage.”

They don’t want to “sell candy bars outside the grocery store.”

Try as I may to understand the enthusiastic approach these “lists” take, I find them disrespectful and insulting to potential adoptive parents.

Would you want to do these things to become a parent? And please think twice before you tell me that a) you would do it and that b) you could raise $30,000 while working full time.

I do work full time as a fundraiser for adoption and let me tell you this—it’s not easy—it is a very humbling experience to ask people you know for their money.

If I were able to raise $30,000+ easily, Helpusadopt.org would be giving away a lot more grants and people wouldn’t have to consider selling pizza slices on the corner.

I have a strong opinion about these Adoption Fundraiser Idea books, blogs, radio shows, lists and I can’t hide it.

I have an even stronger option to the books, blogs, lists that boast “Adoption Fundraising Made Easy” or “Affording Adoption is Easy if you know how”

Because it is not easy.

Not easy at all when you are facing costs of $30,000 – $50,000+ to adopt a child.

While these fundraising ideas might raise a few hundred dollars they are by no means a solution to easily affording adoption.

My favorite (and I use this term with a lot of sarcasm) in a list of Adoption Fundraising Suggestions that I recently read was to “sell lemonade”.  The author referenced her 11 year old son’s recent stand that raised $275.

He was 11.

He raised $275.

His opportunity for fatherhood did not rest in the success of his stand.

I don’t believe you’ve heard the last from me on this topic.

But for now…..

Enough said.

Love much,

xob

www.helpusadopt.org

Today in NYC it is freezzing, gray and raining.

But look what I get to look at all day as I work from home…..

Happy Mommy Day!

Have a great weekend.

Love much,

Your friend, The Infertile Blonde

www.helpusadopt.org

It’s no secret that I love Nia Vardalos and her new book INSTANT MOM.

In case you didn’t read my ealier blog post about it here’s the link:  http://www.aninfertileblonde.com/?p=1215

One page in particular makes my heart soar every time I read it…..

Because I am so honored and grateful to have been included.

Page 277.

Thank you Nia.

Love much,

xob

www.helpusadopt.org

The world is impatient.

I am impatient, and I know I’m not alone.

I can barely handle waiting for the bus to arrive much less the years I spent waiting for my adoptions to happen.

It is a common mistake to think that with all the millions of children around the globe that need homes, the adoption process would be simple and quick.

Not so.

Once your child is in your arms you may gain the perspective that the wait “had to be” so you were brought together.

But the wait can be excruciating.

I know this first hand because my daughter’s domestic adoption took 2 ½ years…3 if you count the finalization time period.

And while I know it had to happen to bring me to her, I nearly lost my mind during the journey.

One might think that I learned a lesson in the wait for Brooke-as in “good things come to those who wait.”

And while I do realize how amazing my daughter is, I learned no lesson in patience.

If I was truly patient, Helpusadopt.org (www.helpusadopt.org ) wouldn’t exist.

If I was truly patient, Helpusadopt.org wouldn’t have outgrown our apartment and needed it’s own office space for our three person staff.

And if I was patient, the 73 families that Helpusadopt.org has helped to build over the last 5 years might be a much smaller number.

I am and always will be impatient, but the caveat is, I’m willing to put in the work for Helpusadopt.org because of these children and the remarkable families we serve.

Unfortunately, when you are waiting for your adoption to happen, all the work in the world can’t speed up the process.

It’s a wait that will ultimately bring you more happiness than you ever dreamed of but it’s still a wait.

What can you do to help a friend who’s waiting?

Be kind.

And be patient.

Yes, patience is a virtue and it’s easier said than done.

Trust me, I know.

Love much,

Xob

www.helpusadopt.org

Last Friday an invitation came home from The Girl’s school inviting me to a Mother’s Day Celebration.

Still gives me goosebumps.

It is hands down, the most significant holiday of the year to me.

And it is quite possibly my favorite holiday of the year superseding my birthday and Christmas if that is possible.

It’s not my favorite because of any big celebration or any elaborate gift…..

It’s just my favorite because I get to celebrate it…..

And I get to celebrate it  with the two little people I love most in this world.

It’s not just Mother’s Day to me…..

It’s our day…

Because without them, I can’t celebrate.

And on this day and the days and weeks leading up to it…

I am constantly thinking of those standing where I once stood.

They are standing in limbo……they are waiting…..they are struggling towards motherhood.

And this day brings great sadness for them as it did for me.

Please know that I will never forget what it feels like……

Remembering is what propels me to work harder, to raise more money, to raise awareness and to build Helpusadopt.org to a level where it will be around to help generations to come build their families through adoption.

I will never forget….

The memory makes me who I am today.

Love much,

Xob

www.helpusadopt.org